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I’d slept awkwardly and woke up with an aching back and shoulder. I went in and explained that I needed relief for back and shoulder pain. There was the Mexican restaurant in Los Angeles last month where Clyde Ward and I were mistaken for “Federales” sparking a wave of misunderstandings, a cringe-worthy incident in a street the month before when I was falsely accused of snubbing a “dying child”, a strange encounter with a neurologist and his stunningly attractive trainee assistant, a farcical stag night in Bournemouth, the whole mix up with Talk SPORT when they hired me to do a weekly entertainment-based phone-in show and the very first thing the producer said when I got there was “Right, tonight... I.’s Casey Royer – and Susan Dynner who directed and produced the splendid 2007 Punk’s Not Dead documentary.She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed told me about a new therapeutic massage parlour that had opened near us recently. The unfriendly Chinese woman behind the jump smiled weakly, insisted on a cash payment upfront and called a sultry Italian brunette to walk me through to a dingy backroom. Realising her mistake, the masseuse shot off to get some towels. Special thanks to the US musicians who backed us – Jay Letendre and Rodger Shosa from The Uprisers and Geoffrey C Palmer from The Connection; and of course the force of nature that was our backing singer Shira ‘Shiragirl’ Leigh.Kentucky-born Kirsten is a strict vegan and her insistence on wearing fake leather makes for some unusual on-stage moments. I see Amazon have launched Amazon Key, whereby their delivery drivers can enter your home when you’re not in and leave your parcels inside. I was blogging quite a bit, and the publisher John Blake approached me about turning that into a book. Bruce Dickinson nearly killed me in Florida by driving the wrong way up a slip road into five lanes of on-coming traffic.“Bruce is so athletic that when I copy his stage moves, the faux-leather has been known to rip on stage giving the crowd more than they’ve paid for! “Once my butt was completely exposed and I had to walk off backwards so the stage manager could make me decent again with black duct tape.” Tragically this seminal rock ’n’ roll moment went un-filmed, but I’m sending her some stage clothes made of tissue paper as a precaution. This new service has been praised as “vital and ground-breaking” by the worldwide union of house-breakers, cat burglars and rapists. Apologies for this blog’s long delay in returning to normal, but the new Harry Tyler novel is taking longer than I had hoped largely because of the radio shows I’m doing and other distractions. Presumably you’re a reactionary feudalist like your manager, Lord Waistrel? Similarly Jeff Turner’s autobiography Cockney Reject – we spent months on that. I’m writing the fourth instalment of the Harry Tyler/The Face pulp fiction series, but I’ve just been asked to write the Origins novel to tie in with the We Still Kill The Old Way film franchise so I’m already thinking about that. I don’t like to miss the shows with the biggest audiences so I even keep an eye on East Enders, the BBC’s never-ending libel against Londoners.Our operational capabilities are already stretched to the limits. Antoine Dominique “Fats” Domino Junior – who has died aged 89.Military experts say the Army is now 20 years out of date, while the Royal Navy and the RAF are starved of funding. The legendary rhythm-and-blues singer had dozens of hits in the ’50s and early ’60s, including ‘Blueberry Hill’, ‘Ain’t That A Shame’ and ‘I’m Walkin’’ selling an incredible 65 million singles.It’ll draw on everything I have ever been involved in – rock music, TV, showbiz, newspapers etc. And the more I think about it, maybe it always has been. As Barnsley Bloke said, the people must be sovereign. Just a quick word of thanks to everyone who came to my band’s gigs in the USA earlier this month.

A great intervention by a Barnsley man on Question Time last night. I know you think we’re all thick up north, but I remember voting on my ballot paper and it said leave or remain.

About 20 minutes in to it, she asked if I’d ever had a Chinese massage before. ” I nodded politely and the bella donna went off, returning with what looked like a sauce bottle full of what she described as “a special Chinese lotion”. As we soon discovered, she should only have used a couple of strategically aimed drops. I wasn’t in California long enough to properly check out the scene but there seem to be some terrific West Coast bands bubbling away, not least The Generators (good to meet you, Doug!

When I replied that I hadn’t, she leaned in close and whispered “I take my dress off and give you a happy ending.” Blimey. ) and the Roadside Bombs, both of whom I’ve played on the podcast.

If and when we bring Street Sounds magazine out of hibernation, we’ll definitely commission a round-up of that vibrant and exciting scene.

For Gonads fans, the set we played was ‘Lager Top’, ‘Jobs Not Jails’, ‘Punk Rock Will Never Die’, ‘Grant Mitchell’, ‘I Lost My Love To A UK Sub’, ‘Oi Mate’, ‘British Steel’, ‘Beano’, ‘Charlton Boys’, ‘Tucker’s Ruckers’, ‘Punk Rock Till I Die’/‘Joys Of Oi’.

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I spoke to the very funny Kirsten Rosenberg from the Iron Maidens – the world’s only all-female Iron Maiden tribute band – the other day. Driving all the way to Norwich to perform for to an audience of about fifteen people. I used to write comedy sketches with my schoolmates when I was 14/15.

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