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Bairstow and England coach Trevor Bayliss had already spoken and left the room none the wiser, so Bancroft came across magnificently.‘He just greeted me with a head-butt,’ he said, still somewhat bemused. he certainly says hello to people differently.’He later added: ‘He didn’t knock me over. Play on.’So, after a Test match that confirmed Australia’s superiority as a Test team, here’s something else they are better at: talking, because there is no way a British athlete would be trusted to speak as naturally, as charismatically, as that.‘I was expecting a handshake, so it wasn’t really the greeting of choice. I’ve actually got the heaviest head in the Western Australia squad — it’s been measured. A terrified press officer would be hovering, waiting to cut him off at the first sign of controversy, or he wouldn’t have been allowed to talk at all. Our players across many sports are trained to be scared, to offer nothing but inane platitudes — and then we wonder why they cannot think for themselves in matches.Graeme Souness said recently that he doubted whether many of today’s players even knew of his career, and he didn’t exempt those at Liverpool from that.

By letting Bancroft be himself, Cricket Australia turned Bairstow and England into figures of mockery.

Some may think Romelu Lukaku has friends at the FA. When Lukaku scored for fun in his early games at Manchester United, Mourinho insisted his achievements were irrelevant. That time is now, with one goal — the fourth in a 4-1 win over Newcastle United — since September. ‘He didn’t score — I don’t care,’ he maintained after the 1-0 win over Brighton.

Lukaku’s petulant tangle with defender Gaetan Bong suggests frustration, but Mourinho could not have done more to ease his burden.

There will always be players, like Pablo Zabaleta at Manchester City, who develop an affinity for a club despite being an outsider — but the fact that Phil Foden was born into a family of Manchester City supporters will still count for more.

Few do a better job for Tottenham than Jan Vertonghen or Christian Eriksen, but it is only Harry Kane who is one of their own.

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