Dating hot and cold guy
He ended his message by telling me how smart and pretty he thought I was.
It was a typical example of blowing hot and cold: He blew me off in the last minute, and at the same time used sweet-talk to keep me from getting frustrated and mad.
He would express the wish to call me on skype, and then I just wouldn’t hear from him (he didn’t even take the time to tell me he changed his plans).
Sometimes I didn’t hear from him in days, and then he sent several texts all at once.
His inconsistency would turn into a fixed part of our relationship: He would tell me to come with him to visit his sister, and then never mention the idea again.
He would assure me he intended to move out of his exgirlfriend’s apartment, only to say a few days later that he had no intention to do so.
It worked: Sure I was extremely frustrated because I had just wasted two hours on a train without getting to see him, and because he waited until the last minute to cancel on me. This is why their strategy of blowing hot and cold is so harmful: They trample all over us, disrespect us and play us like puppets on a string, and we allow them to do so due to their occasional assurances of how perfect we are, and of how much we mean to them.
The other prime example for his inconsistency occurred towards the end of our relationship.
The narcissist I dated was a master at blowing hot and cold, and he turned me into an emotional wreck through his inconsistency and ambiguity.
It is a seemingly endless rollercoaster ride with no opportunity to get off.
Another reason why this strategy of blowing hot and cold is so damaging for those involved is that it makes us hold on to toxic relationships for far too long.
During our entire relationship, I was always in doubt, I never knew were the relatioship was headed, and I always questioned the sincerity of his feelings towards me (and rightly so, as it later turned out).
On some days, I was convinced that he really cared about me, that he respected me an genuinely enjoyed being around me.
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On other days, his cold indifference led me to assume that he was probably not that interested in me, and that I was just a nice distraction, a way to pass some time.